From A.O. Scott's review of the new Mike Myers movie, The Love Guru:
A whole new vocabulary seems to be required. To say that the movie is not funny is merely to affirm the obvious. The word “unfunny” surely applies to Mr. Myers’s obnoxious attempts to find mirth in physical and cultural differences but does not quite capture the strenuous unpleasantness of his performance. No, “The Love Guru” is downright antifunny, an experience that makes you wonder if you will ever laugh again.Ironically, reading that made me laugh out loud. Thank you, A.O. Scott, for beginning the healing process!
ETA: Honorable mention goes to Dana Stephens over at Slate, finding her own vocabulary to express The Love Guru's awfulness in her review:
...Once in a while there is a movie so bad that it takes you to a place beyond good and evil and abandons you there, shivering and alone. ...This tale of a guru who brings joy to all who meet him is the most joy-draining 88 minutes I've ever spent outside a hospital waiting room.
ETA again: Had to add a few more! At Time Out New York, Joshua Rothkopf says The Love Guru is:
An oh-my-God-level disaster that’ll make you wonder if Hollywood actually hates us.
At the Fresno Bee, Donald Munro has come up with another evocative metaphor:
By foisting the appalling "The Love Guru" on his public, Mike Myers -- who used to be funny -- sticks his head in a toilet and then tries to give the audience a big, sloppy kiss.
I also loved MaryAnn Johanson's disdain of the film's "nonstop references to the male sexual organ apparently aimed at those who are unfamiliar with its general characteristics and several uses," and most especially the title of her review: "Holy Shit."
It never crossed my mind that this movie might be at all entertaining (I haven't been amused by a Mike Myers vehicle since Wayne's World), but I must say I'm really enjoying the reviews.